Writer's Bloc
by nedthejanitor
Summary: A bank robbery occurs in a strange part of town, and the Titans are sent to investigate. The excuse I have for this story begins with "I" and ends with "was bored."


**Disclaimer: I'm really curious about anchovy pizza. Can anyone who's had it before confirm if it's any good or not? Also, I don't own Teen Titans. **

**One more thing, I'm not entirely sure why I pick on Starfire so much, because it's not like I feel any less about her than I do the other characters. Guess it's for the same reason anything else happens in this thing.**

"So, remind me again," Beastboy started. "Where are we going?"

Robin sighed. "Haven't I already told you about fifty thousand times?"

"Seven," Raven interjected. "But you were close enough."

"You need to start being more attentive, Beastboy. Just look at Cyborg."

Cyborg, who was keeping his eyes on the road and his hands upon the wheel, tilted his head slightly like a confused pug. "What?"

"Never mind, Cyborg. Just look at Raven."

Beastboy shrugged. "I already do, pretty often." Raven cringed at this.

"…Just- god damn it, Beastboy. We're going to an abandoned part of Jump City called the 'Writer's Bloc.' There's a major bank robbery in progress. Can you remember that?"

"Probably. Ask me in about five minutes."

Cyborg was having some trouble figuring out where he and the other titans even were, and he was starting to regret having brought the T-Car on this mission. There's no telling what kind of scummy pricks were waiting in the wings to strip all the parts away while the Titans were busy with whatever was going down up here. And furthermore, the-

"CY, LOOK OUT!" screamed Robin. Cyborg swerved to very narrowly- and I mean, we're talking millimeter or two here- avoid a man standing in the middle of the road, pointing a thumb up.

"You said you were paying attention, Cyborg. Jesus Christ!" Robin screamed.

"Dude, I swear to God, that guy wasn't there two seconds ago!"

Raven poked her head out from the back, "Well, I mean, it's been way more than two seconds since you-"

"Semantics!" Cyborg practically leaped out of the driver's seat to confront the stranger. "Hey dude, mind not standing in the middle of the road?! I kind of need to drive to a crime scene and-"

"ARE YOU A GIANT ROBOT?!" The stranger shrieked. He fell to his ass and skittered away before Cyborg could even answer.

Robin walked over from the passenger side of the car and laid a hand on Cy's shoulder. "Cyborg-"

"Yeah, I don't care. I'm used to it. Let's just get to that bank."

So they did! But unfortunately for our intrepid heroes, the bank was already empty by the time they got there. "Did you get any security footage?" asked Robin to a teller, who just farted and shook her head. "You're terrible!" They both shouted that at each other at the exact same time.

"Robin, I don't think we're going to get anywhere with these people," Beastboy said. "Check out this security camera."

Robin cradled it un-lovingly in his hands. The make of it was cardboard, and on the side it read, "security gamera." The superheroes were torn between their urges to paint it to look like a turtle and their utter rage that someone would write "security gamera" on the side of a perfectly good cardboard box.

"Guys, I haven't spoken or done anything in this fanfic yet!" Starfire pointed out to her teammates, to be promptly ignored.

"This is dangerous new territory, gentlemen… and Raven, and alien," Robin said as they left the bank, cardboard and no clues in tow. Robin looked up at the sky as he continued talking. The sky was red, for reasons I don't feel like explaining. "It's going to be tough to do this without stirring up some offensive among the locals, but we're going to have to question everybody within the near vicinity. I know it sucks, but it's the only option."

"What about the police?" asked Cyborg.

"Cyborg, didn't you learn anything from Flava Flav? 911 is a joke!"

"Shit."

So for the next three hours, our beloved heroes went on to have massively inane conversations with people who, if you saw them in a dark alley, would make you shit yourself out of every hole in your body. Yes, that includes the mouth. Didn't say it would be pleasant.

"Sir, I'm going to be honest with you, because you seem to me like a really upstanding guy," said Beastboy at the first subject's front door. "That is an amazing collection of fake arms you have on your lawn. But, you should know it isn't Halloween, so I'd put those away before someone steals them, or worse, gets the wrong idea."

The green-skinned men looked at each other for what felt like a full minute, but was actually three. Then the resident closed his door, leaving Beastboy wondering if he said something offensive.

Meanwhile, on the other side of three feet away, next door at the Londonburgs' house, Robin had some choice words for the lady of the house. "Okay, Mrs. Londonburg, why did you erect a ten-story neon sign proclaiming who lives at this house?"

"Because my mailman kept missing the house. He kept throwing it through the window, and I was sick and tired of having to paint my house red just to unsubscribe from the newspaper."

Understandably, Robin ran away screaming.

Cyborg felt like he was getting a little bit of leeway in with his own interrogation… at first. "Dude, I saw some pretty freaky shit about half an hour ago."

"Really? That's great! Uh, I mean," Cyborg pulled a notepad with a pencil out of one of many, many compartments on his body. Some of them contain candy, some of them contain horrors unimaginable for any human being, and some of them have notepads. Don't ask me where the fuck he got the pencil. "Any information you have can help us greatly."

"Uh… okay, but I gotta ask a question first, man," said the hippie. "So, like, why do you need paper to write on? Don't all robots have like, computers installed in them or something?"

"Well, yeah, I have a word program. But it's located on a very sensitive area of my body, so I really prefer to just do my note-taking the old fashioned way."

The hippie gave Cyborg a funny look, which really, Cyborg ought to be more than accustomed to by this point. "Why would someone put a button on your testicles?"

"Not my testicles, you idiot!" Cyborg immediately shot back. "Geez, I was referring to my belly button! Why do you have to go and jump to conclusions like that?!"

"Whoa, sorry, man. Can I see?"

"See what?!"

"The belly button."

"NO!"

"Oh… what were we talking about?"

"Nothing! Good night!"

So Cyborg's interview turned out to be a total bust, but do not fret so soon my humble readers, all one of you! Raven is still halfway through one of her own. An interview, I mean. Whatever, just read.

"So, tell me again why there was a UFO parked on the roof of your house, and why it has anything at all to do with the bank robbery an hour ago, and why I'm even still talking to you since you're clearly insane?"

"Because the UN told you to come out to my house and you're made out of black helicopters?"

"…Is that supposed to be some comment about my weight or are you just out of your mind?"

"Oh, yeah? Well, why are you answering all of my questions with a question? Did they teach you how to do that in NSA school?"

"Ever hear of the Socratic method?"

"Ever hear of the suck-at-it method? It's the one you're using right now in regards to all these stupid questions."

Raven paused for several seconds. "That'll be all the info I need for now, thank you."

Meanwhile, Starfire-

"Guys," screamed Robin as he ran down the street back to the car, screaming for the other titans, "we gotta go, I said something to piss off one of my guys and now we're being chased by a pitchfork mob!"

"Oh, shit," said Raven, "how big is the mob?"

"Let's call it 'concentric circles in your water from three states over,' now come on!"

Robin and the rest of the Titans rocketed to their car like their heads were on fire and their asses were catching. Cyborg crams his key into the ignition, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, and the car... absolutely refuses to start.

"What the hell, Cyborg, can't you start a car?!" Beastboy yelled in a voice that was beginning to sound very girlish.

"Oh, it's the 'can't start a car when in the middle of a chase scene' bit," Cyborg muttered. "I should have taken this into account."

"Why are you muttering?!"

"None of your business!" Cyborg put his metal to the pedal- gas, that is- and the car ZOOMED INTO ACTION!

"Cyborg, take it out of park!" screamed Robin.

"We're not in a park, we're in the middle of a street!"

Before Robin could sufficiently scream expletive-laden insults at Cyborg, Starfire was yanked from the car and brutally eviscerated. I am sorry.

"We lost the cute redhead," screamed Beastboy. "What was her name again?!"

Raven looked startled. "How did they even get her? She can lift a fucking freight train!"

Cyborg finally remembered how to drive the car, but Robin was the cost. He, too, was taken from the car and brutally eviscerated. Tell you the truth, I'm a little less sorry for that one.

But fear not! The rest of the Teen Titans escaped and formed a new team, The Threesome! And after that, porn searches in Jump City would never be the same.

**THE END**


End file.
